Rekindling old passions

Once upon a time, I had a beautiful habit. You see, like many other young teenagers who grew up with fairly unrestricted access to the Internet, I found comfort in having a secret online identity on a niche website where I could freely air my thoughts and vent my frustrations without anyone I knew associating that to me. For me, this came in the form of a three-year long habit of regularly posting on a poetry-sharing site.

I wrote freeform poetry, bending words to drip with angst and twisting sentences to fit the theatrics of my teen life. Looking back on it, I can laugh at how meaningless it all seems now but, back then, I considered this a lifeline. I liked referencing little details from my daily life in throwaway rhymes, little nods that made sense to no one but me. I liked writing enigmatic titles for my poems that seemed too loosely connected to the poem itself. I shared my deepest feelings and wants, regrets and thoughts... Those close to me were aware of my passion for writing, but I was too shy to show them the kinds of things I really wrote about, thinking they´d shed light on some irrevocable truth, like I was hiding some kind of ugly monster inside of me that shone through my petty words and would have driven them all away. However, time and perseverance showed me the truth.

I worked up some courage and become a little bit more ambitious with my writing. I challenged myself, on the 1st of January of 2018, to write a daily short poem following the typical structure of a haiku. I succeeded in this challenge, and had produced 365 short poems a year later. This challenge made me view the world differently, as I got used to always looking around me to find inspiration for poetic metaphors and imagery that could convey hard truths about the human (and my!) psyche and soul. It inspired me for (what felt like) a long time and thanks to it, I wrote both the cringiest and the best short poems I recall ever producing. Eventually, I even self-published a short poem collection called "Stone Cold Bench", as a present to my mother, who has always been my greatest supporter and who had pushed me to write from the start.

I did, regrettably, stop writing a daily haiku once 2018 was over. Admittedly, I did get burned out eventually and saw it as more of a self-imposed task than a creative outlet. However, I now wish I had carried on this habit until now. My current situation has me now re-challenging myself to develop my writing skills in a major way. Because being good at one thing won´t cut it anymore, not in our world. Amid this Herculean task, the threat of burnout is ever existent, and thus my mind was drawn back to my "2018 daily haiku challenge". I found my old blog and pulled out some of my favourite entries of the challenge, which I will be sharing below. It grounded me, reminded me that I have grown much already (most of the haikus were terrible!) but that I still have a long way to go. It momentarily paused the vertigo of trying to become a part of the modern creative workforce that is being quickly consumed by AI drones. But, most importantly, it reminded me of why I got here in the first place. Of why I wanted to write for a living. Of the feeling of posting something and firmly believing somewhere, someone you don´t know cares about your words. It is the swift kick I needed. I can´t wait to see what I do next!